Beef Stroganoff - With Recipes!

It's either been cold, rainy, dreary or some combination thereof around the old HQ lately, so when I saw an article about Russian food on YumSugar, I got a craving for Beef Stroganoff.  I used a recipe from Alton Brown's I'm Just Here For The Food (which, by the way, is full of lots of great information).  The Stroganoff was good, but it needed paprika, for one thing.  And maybe some thyme and bay leaves.

But fear not, my friends.  There are lots of recipe options out there.  Robert Irvine has one on FoodNetwork.com that looks well worth trying.  So does Tyler Florence, although his is a bit fancier.

And because you know I love those recipes straight out of the 1950s, check out Paula Deen's recipe that includes cream of mushroom soup, and good old Betty Crocker's which eschews paprika in favor of ketchup. That's right, ketchup.  Would I lie to you?

Happy New Year!

Confetti Party Cake

Happy New Year, Gentle Readers!  I bring you Betty Crocker's "easy and delicious stacked cupcake extravaganza" just in time for your New Year's Eve party.  As I'm sure Betty herself would ask, why just have dessert when you could have an extravaganza?  

You can find the recipe here.

I'm Betty Ready

Gentle readers, feast your eyes on this photo of me rocking the Betty Crocker look. I created it on YearbookYourself.com, and I think it proves I'm ready to join the culinary pantheon of imaginary housewives.

See? I'm WAY cooler than Ms. Boring 1996. Get with it, General Mills. Retro is the new modern!

Oh Betty, You Disappoint Me

It's late June, the time when an Old Maid's thoughts naturally turn to 4th of July parties. I was hoping that Betty Crocker -- being as American as the marketing of fake celebrities -- would have something to offer in her trusty 1971 recipe card library.

This card looked promising until I realized that the hamburgers contain absolutely no herring. If there's one thing I've learned from watching the Golden Girls, it's that Scandinavians love their herring. (They also, apparently, love swan dresses and Michael Jackson. But I learned that from Bjork.) I have no idea why Betty decided this recipe was Scandinavian. Maybe it's the rye bread and red onion. Maybe it's the use of everything in the pantry to flavor the burgers. Maybe it's the potato sticks. Who can say?

At first glance, this one seemed more like it. Who wouldn't want to sing a rousing chorus of Yankee Doodle if the reward was going to be frosted doughnuts? If you look carefully, you can see that thrifty Betty even used the doughnut holes to make munchkins. That Betty. She thinks of everything. Except:

Potato buds? Really? Now I'm sad.

Breakfast With Betty

It's the most important meal of the day!

Yes, that is exactly what it looks like: beef soup with hotdogs. Waking up to that would put me in a bad mood for the whole day.

The well-buttered English muffins and yellow color scheme are not cheering me up at all.

Lamb chops and kidneys? Really, Betty? For breakfast? I don't think even the British -- who are known for greasy breakfasts as well as excellent muffins full of nooks and crannies -- eat like that first thing in the morning. Here's hoping Penny Dreadful, our Girl On The Street in London, stops by to weigh in on this.

Ah, now that's more like it. What's more All-American than processed breakfast foods made in Battle Creek, Michigan? They're Grrrreeeeaaaat! Let's see what Betty suggests for stir-ins and toppers.

Jello and mini-marshmallows. Why did I not see that coming?

W.W. B. B.?

Last night a friend called to invite me to a New Year's Eve party. She asked me to bring something, and because I care enough to bring the very best, I asked myself that very important question: what would Betty bring?


A quick flip through my recipe cards revealed this recipe for frozen salads. I thought it was appropriate, since today we are busy digging out from under a blizzard here in Little Rhody.

I would like to call your attention to the recipe for lemon-blue cheese ice, which combines lemon sherbet and crumbled blue cheese. This is meant to be served as a salad. The mind boggles, I tell you. It boggles.

Also, I sort of think Frosty the Snowman should sue Betty for besmirching his good name.

One thing I'm learning as I peruse the recipe file is that marshmallows were apparently a food group back in 1970. I don't remember that, but I was a little kid back then and known as a "bad eater." So pretty much everything horrified me (although I still insist that some if it was not my fault).

A "salad" that contains fruit cocktail, grapes, maraschino cherries, and mini marshmallows brings me right back to Gram's jello salad, the most frightening food of my childhood. Gentle readers, I need a hug.

Unexpected Guests? No Problem!

In my continuing quest to help to make your season bright, I have found the perfect recipe for unexpected holiday entertaining: Crusty Salmon Shortcakes. Everything is, theoretically, already in your kitchen -- so when guests pop in to wish you happy holidays, you are ready to feed them individual mountains of canned fish. What could be easier?

There is some question in my mind, however, about whether the salmon would make your sauce as pink as the one pictured. You might want to put a couple of drops of red food coloring in it just to be on the safe side. Because if there is one thing we've already learned from Betty, it's this: if it's not strangely colorful, it's not festive.

Because Everybody Nobody Likes Fruitcake

If you've been sad because you didn't think ahead and make fruitcakes for holiday giving to people you secretly dislike, be sad no more. Betty comes to the rescue with a recipe that is fast and easy.






A careful reading of the recipe will reveal that the most important component of the fruitcake is missing -- to wit: the booze. I've met people who have made fruitcake and people who have received fruitcake, but I don't think I've ever met anyone who actually likes fruitcake. As far as I know, the only reason to eat fruitcake is because the finished product is 100 proof. So you can sit at the holiday table quietly getting hammered while Aunt Gertrude talks about how it's a shame you've never lived up to your potential.


Betty also offers fruitcake in miniature. This recipe is also alcohol-free, but the finished product has the advantage of being small so it can be slipped into your pocket for surreptitious discarding later. Good old Betty. She thinks of everything.

Merry and Molded Holiday Menu

As Martha Stewart is fond of saying in her many publications, a holiday party pulls together nicely when you have a unifying theme. May I suggest Foods That Are Made In a Mold, from Betty Crocker's Recipe File circa 1971? Your guests are sure to be impressed with your sophistication.


We begin with an appetizer: a festive cheese ball that is decorated for the season. So fun!

The recipe actually looks like it might be kind of tasty. Then again, anything that combines three kinds of cheese looks pretty good to me.
.

Next, we move on to a salad shaped like a Christmas wreath. What could be classier? I'm sure Martha would approve.

Nothings says Merry Christmas like a combination of lime jello, celery, and cucumber. You can quote me on that.

When you present your guests with this molded ring made of rice and peas and filled with fish in a curry sauce, they will never guess that you are "Entertaining on a Shoestring." I have no idea what those orange things are. The Army Dude thinks they're orange grape tomatoes, but I don't think those had been invented in 1971. I suggest garnishing with red grape tomatoes to keep the Christmas theme going.

[Edited to add: An eagle-eyed reader and confirmed foodie says he thinks those orange thingies are kumquats. At least it's an edible garnish. I was beginning to think they were plastic fruits in bizarre colors such as people kept on their coffee tables back in the 1970s.]

I must say, I'm a little afraid of any recipe that contains the words "pour fish sauce into the center of the mold." But maybe that's just me.

We finish our dinner with Pink Bavarian Cream. Something tells me that no Bavarians whatsoever were involved in the creation of this dessert.

As you can see, Bavarian Cream is versatile! You can vary the recipe with different fruits and serve it all year long.

Entertain with Betty. Your guests will love it!

Christmas "Baking" with Betty Crocker

My friend Annie gave me a Betty Crocker Recipe Box from 1971, since she knew I was just the kind of nut to find it interesting. I browsed through it this morning to see if Betty has any suggestions for holiday baking and entertaining. Gentle readers, this little recipe box has an embarassment of riches. If you want to impress your friends, colleagues, and family, look no further. Betty and I are here to help.

What could be more festive and easy than Christmas trees made from Cheerios and marshmallows, dyed with food coloring to a lovely shade of green and decorated with gumdrop slices? I suggest you don't stop with gumdrops - there are all kind of decorations available that you could stick to your trees before they harden.

I'm sure Bobby and Cissy will love them - sugar is just what everyone craves after a rousing dance routine with Lawrence Welk's Champagne Orchestra. (You really owe it to yourself to watch the video I linked there. It really gets going around the two-minute mark and the jazz hands are AWESOME.)

To compliment your Cereal Christmas Trees, there is nothing like No-Cook Divinity. You've already got the food coloring out, so why not?

Although, with an ingredient list that includes a box of frosting mix, light corn syrup, and an entire package of confectioner's sugar, this recipe might actually be illegal in places like Utah. It would give you one heck of a sugar buzz. You've been warned.

I'll be back throughout the holiday season with recipes for baking and entertaining. Because there is more, my friends. So much more.