Wednesday, March 17, 2010

If I Wrote A Cookbook

It would be Stuff I Like To Eat, because that's all I know how to cook. So if you're looking for a recipe for squid ink pasta, tough. (Seriously. Yuck.)

Forward by Guy Fieri. Because he seems totally cool and with a little luck, he might call me "Mother Superior of The Church of Our Lady of Flavortown." Or something like that.

Chapter 1 (pages 12-150): Cheese. Odes to Cheese, poems about cheese (not yet written, but fingers crossed!), Great Cheeses I Have Eaten, and a whole lot of recipes containing cheese.

Chapter 2 (pages 151-200): Pasta. All dishes are an excellent source of carbohydrates. Many are an excellent source of cheese.

Chapter 3 (page 201): Beef. Two recipes, both of which are casseroles containing ground beef, and - you guessed it - cheese.

Chapter 4 (pages 202-222): Stir Fries. Most recipes would start with the following instructions: "Investigate your crisper drawer to see what you can rescue before it goes bad."

Chapter 5 (pages 223-275): Breakfast - It's Not Just For Breakfast Any More. Because I will eat eggs and pancakes any old time, and it's my cookbook. Also, many of these recipes are very tasty cheese delivery systems.

Chapter 6 (pages 276-350): Desserts. No need to be afraid of baking. These recipes are absolutely foolproof as they have been rigorously tested to meet my strict quality standards.

I really need to get on this. New York Times Bestseller List, here I come!


  1. 12 pages for Guy Fieri?? Really?

  2. No, there is the title page, and the page that disclaims any relation to people dead or alive, and the Table of Contents, and maybe only FIVE pages of Guy Fieri talking about how awesome I am.