Evil Genius

I totally have a racket going in the free meal department.

First of all there is the Army Dude, who buys me a meal or two every week. Then there are my co-workers, one of whom brings me soups and chili for which she is justly famous among her friends, and another who brings me his latest culinary creations. Also, the people in the office across the hall give me leftover baked goods from their many free lunches staff meetings.

Mwahahahahaha!

If I Wrote A Cookbook

It would be Stuff I Like To Eat, because that's all I know how to cook. So if you're looking for a recipe for squid ink pasta, tough. (Seriously. Yuck.)

Forward by Guy Fieri. Because he seems totally cool and with a little luck, he might call me "Mother Superior of The Church of Our Lady of Flavortown." Or something like that.

Chapter 1 (pages 12-150): Cheese. Odes to Cheese, poems about cheese (not yet written, but fingers crossed!), Great Cheeses I Have Eaten, and a whole lot of recipes containing cheese.

Chapter 2 (pages 151-200): Pasta. All dishes are an excellent source of carbohydrates. Many are an excellent source of cheese.

Chapter 3 (page 201): Beef. Two recipes, both of which are casseroles containing ground beef, and - you guessed it - cheese.

Chapter 4 (pages 202-222): Stir Fries. Most recipes would start with the following instructions: "Investigate your crisper drawer to see what you can rescue before it goes bad."

Chapter 5 (pages 223-275): Breakfast - It's Not Just For Breakfast Any More. Because I will eat eggs and pancakes any old time, and it's my cookbook. Also, many of these recipes are very tasty cheese delivery systems.

Chapter 6 (pages 276-350): Desserts. No need to be afraid of baking. These recipes are absolutely foolproof as they have been rigorously tested to meet my strict quality standards.

I really need to get on this. New York Times Bestseller List, here I come!

Guest Blogger: Leppy

Today's post is by my friend Leppy, who is vacationing in St. Croix.

Beaches smeeches

Daiquiris quackeries

Caribbean, you know what I'm meanin'

The only red I want to see on flesh is

on one of these babies

FRESH TOMATO PEOPLE KNOW HOW TO HAVE A GOOD TIME

Sushi

Seriously. Our ancestors were onto something when they invented fire.

K.I.S.S.

I don't think I will ever be a foodie, in small part because I am too picky an eater, and in large part because then I would be too sophisticated to eat Reese's Peanut Butter Cups and that would be a bummer.

Also, the older I get, the simpler I like my food. That's not to say I don't enjoy a complex melding of flavors (I have eggplant parmesan in the oven right now), but I'm rarely enticed by a recipe with a list of ingredients as long as my arm and a preparation process that, in comparison, makes Twyla Tharp's choreography look easy to execute. I'm usually not as happy with the end product as I am with a simple dish cooked well.

Some of the most satisfying dinners I've ever had consisted of fresh bread, cheese, a little butter, a few olives, and a simple salad tossed with olive oil and fresh lemon juice. Delicious, easy to prepare, easy to clean up, and free of worry about whether or not I'm fashionable enough. Perfect.