Cat-Foiling Beverage Device

The cat likes to drink out of my water glasses. She has plenty of her own water, it's just a little thing she likes to do.  If the glass is full, she sticks her head in and sips delicately. This bothers me a little.  If the glass is too empty or too narrow for her to reach the water by sticking her head in, she dips a paw into the glass and licks the water off it.  This bothers me a lot.

So, for those times when I can't keep an eye on my water glass and repel any little furry invaders (such as when I am sleeping), I have invented the Cat Foiling Beverage Device.

Genius.  I haz it.

Whoops!

This is a cheese slicer.

This is my thumb after meeting up with the blade of a cheese slicer that had some muscle behind it.  Leave it to me to do this two days before spending the weekend baking cookies and doing the dishes associated with baking cookies.

Did you ever hear that saying "if I had a brain, I'd be dangerous"?  Good news.  I have a brain.



Cucumber Shrub

I'm not much of a soda drinker, but I tried Mr. Q. Cumber soda when I had lunch at Keenwah last week.  It was pricey -- two bucks for seven ounces -- but it was also delicious.

My friend took a sip and said "We could make that."  We discussed things like using a juicer and simple syrup.  When I got home it occurred to me that I could try making a cucumber shrub.  I added one peeled, diced cucumber to 2 cups of distilled white vinegar, then proceeded according to the recipe found here. 

It came out great.  Like summer in a glass.  YUM!

P.S. I just found out that cucumber beverages are trendy.  Of course they are.  I'm hip like that.

Say Cheese!

There is an entire magazine devoted to cheese.  My. Life. Is. Complete.

Genius: Black Drip Pans

I don't know about you, gentle readers, but I have to replace the drip pans on my stove about once a year. I know the directions on the package say to clean them after every use, and I'm sure that works just fine for people who only cook when the chef has the night off. For someone like me -- someone who cooks every day and doesn't even own a dishwasher -- it's not going to happen. I clean up spills as I go, I take the pans out and clean them periodically, but it's inevitable that one day I will look at them and say "these have GOT to go."


So conceive, if you will, of my delight in finding black drip pans at my local Walmart. For one thing, they are the color the pans will eventually turn anyway; for another, they have a porcelain finish that resists having foods bake onto it. Not to mention that they look pretty cool.


Winner, winner, chicken dinner.

Just In Time For The New Year

This handy dieting tip comes from the same friend who invented diet steak and baked potatoes. Simply pour your Budweiser into a Bud Light glass, and voila! Diet Beer. Once again, genius.

Crazy, and Yet Awesome

While running errands with my teenage nephew Cameron yesterday, the Army Dude and I became conscious of a hollow feeling within. To wit: the need for sustenance and a lot of it. The Army Dude suggested we go to West Main Pizza, a place known for its delicious whole-wheat crust and inventive topping combinations.

While we were driving, Cam and I discussed our favorites on the menu and what we wanted to order. We decided on the All-American, a combination of Russian dressing sauce, chopped pickles, chopped meatballs, and sliced onions. The Army Dude was very skeptical, but Cam and I had decided and even fist-bumped, so he had to go along with us. But as we know, gentle readers, the Dude is not just strong, he's Army Strong. He faced the meal with the "lean forward in the foxhole mentality" for which he has been justly honored.

Of course, it was awesome and he loved it. We all did. For the space of perhaps half an hour, silence reigned at the table. We scarfed down the entire large pizza as if we hadn't eaten in weeks. Vultures would have watched us with awe. The All-American Pizza is a strange combination of ingredients, but it's genius on a plate. Delish and highly recommended.

Evil Genius

I totally have a racket going in the free meal department.

First of all there is the Army Dude, who buys me a meal or two every week. Then there are my co-workers, one of whom brings me soups and chili for which she is justly famous among her friends, and another who brings me his latest culinary creations. Also, the people in the office across the hall give me leftover baked goods from their many free lunches staff meetings.

Mwahahahahaha!

If I Wrote A Cookbook

It would be Stuff I Like To Eat, because that's all I know how to cook. So if you're looking for a recipe for squid ink pasta, tough. (Seriously. Yuck.)

Forward by Guy Fieri. Because he seems totally cool and with a little luck, he might call me "Mother Superior of The Church of Our Lady of Flavortown." Or something like that.

Chapter 1 (pages 12-150): Cheese. Odes to Cheese, poems about cheese (not yet written, but fingers crossed!), Great Cheeses I Have Eaten, and a whole lot of recipes containing cheese.

Chapter 2 (pages 151-200): Pasta. All dishes are an excellent source of carbohydrates. Many are an excellent source of cheese.

Chapter 3 (page 201): Beef. Two recipes, both of which are casseroles containing ground beef, and - you guessed it - cheese.

Chapter 4 (pages 202-222): Stir Fries. Most recipes would start with the following instructions: "Investigate your crisper drawer to see what you can rescue before it goes bad."

Chapter 5 (pages 223-275): Breakfast - It's Not Just For Breakfast Any More. Because I will eat eggs and pancakes any old time, and it's my cookbook. Also, many of these recipes are very tasty cheese delivery systems.

Chapter 6 (pages 276-350): Desserts. No need to be afraid of baking. These recipes are absolutely foolproof as they have been rigorously tested to meet my strict quality standards.

I really need to get on this. New York Times Bestseller List, here I come!

Healthy Choice

Just call me Cleopatra.

A New Year's Resolution

My friend Peter announced to a group of friends last week that he is going on a diet. He quickly saw the grave error he had made because whenever he goes to his favorite watering hole, he has to order Bud Light and endure questions about his diet.

He responds by telling everyone it's going well. And it is. He's switched to diet beer. His meals are diet meals, as pictured above. Just yesterday I saw him eating a diet brownie.

Genius.